"Sex noises"

I live in graduate apartments. Some describe our community as tightly-knit; others say the lack of privacy is suffocating.

My next-door neighbor and I share meals every now and again--perhaps I cook dessert and make a salad, while she provides the main course. It's nice to interact with her outside of our standard, graduate school relationship. She's very studious, very meticulous, and very high-strung.

During these dinners, Neighbor and I able to discuss co-workers, our town, exciting events in our lives, and the like. And some cooking tips as well. (Did I mention this neighbor of mine can cook?) We try to keep things light-hearted--I only trust two people in my graduate program--but sometimes we share some more profound conversation.

I was a bit surprised (/taken aback/stunned) last week when she nonchalantly said, "So, are you hearing sex noises?" I may have hypothetically blanched as I turned away, trying to hypothetically regroup. There's no way out of this hypothetical one.

I mean....what do you say to that? What do you do? Hypothetically speaking, if the "sex noises" had been coming from my room (I have been known to have sex in the past), what was I to do? It's awkward enough getting called on it (hypothetically)....but what to do? Apologize? Deny? Give her a remote control to turn down the volume? Earplugs? One could (hypothetically) make the situation incredibly awkward, a la Curb Your Enthusiasm or Ricky Gervais's The Office....ask her if she wanted to watch? Join in? Film?

Other possible responses:

1. Oh--I thought you were getting laid! I didn't want to say anything, but congratulations!
2. Sounds like fun--tell me more about that!
3. Could you be a little more specific? I mean, what exactly are you hearing?
4. I haven't heard anything, but---well--at least someone in this apartment complex is getting laid!
5. Does it sound something like this....? Nope--haven't heard a thing!

But I replied with none of these. "Sex noises?" I said.

"Ya--I've been hearing sex noises lately. I think it's coming from downstairs." And she mercifully changed the topic.

The rest of dinner was good. She had made lasagna to accompany my home-made, lettuce-free salad with tomato-basil cheese.

Want to know what we had for dessert? Leftovers of, and I kid you not... Better-Than-Sex-Cake.