It's been a busy busy year. To take stock of my comings and goings, I've found that incoming emails are a very good reminder of history. It triggers memories, and allows me to picture different events in my mind, which evoke different emotions. It's kind of hard to relive the past year--there are so many things going on, so many memories.
There's the "Oh, ya!" reaction--when you forgot but then remembered. Sometimes you say, "Whoa--that happened THIS year?" Sometimes you smile, other times you just shake your head, and sometimes you relive tough decisions you made. It's pretty draining, but very worthwhile.
First, there were the big events which seemed to occur in rapid succession this year.
1. I ran in a half-marathon--the longest distance I have ever run (13.1 miles). I reached my goal of running it in under two hours.
2. My boss left my company.
3. I was offered a full-time position.
4. I interviewed for another full-time position with the same company.
5. I negotiated details of the contract, ultimately taking that other full-time position.
6. I went apartment hunting for the first time and found a great place.
7. After overcoming some adversity in my graduate program, I proposed my dissertation. I learned that new statistical package and used it in my dissertation.
8. I led or chaired three presentations/symposia on three days in our annual professional conference. These were with a) my future boss, b) my thesis advisor (see adversity in my graduate program), and c) my undergraduate honor's advisor.
[It's a small field--it was very stressful.]8. My folks moved. Again. This time they moved abroad.
9. I moved.
10. I drove back 12 hours. I defended my dissertation.
11. I went on a month-long tour of the United States, visiting my friends across the nation.
12. I returned "home" to an apartment of boxes.
13. I start work for good in two days.
And that's just logistically busy! At least as important are my friendships and relationships.
I've been in some doozies this year....
1. I realized someone I considered a close friend never really had my best interest in mind. More importantly, I witnessed several incidents I consider shady behavior. I came to the realization that I'd rather have no friends than have him as a friend. And I actually followed through, and removed him from my life. That was a biggie for me. It felt really good following through on my convictions--under no circumstances will I tolerate that kind of behavior.
2. I realized a confidante was actually leaking my secrets. Never pleasant. A chance encounter tested me...and I remained well-behaved through a meal. No need to blow up at her, as it will serve no useful purpose. [
Yes--I should probably work on my 'making new friends' skills, don't you think?]
3. I tried keeping my relationships private for a year. While in general an open person, I realized the importance of privacy in one's life, both for me and for others. I also learned that while everyone may have been gossiping about me, not a soul bothered getting the facts from me. [It was definitely time to move.]
4. I lost my best graduate school friend for almost half the year as we worked out our differences. It's complicated. Thank goodness, now we're back on speaking terms and better than ever. I learned that separation sometimes allows stronger relationships to flourish.
Then there are actions you commit while asking, "Is this morally questionable? Should I really be doing this?" For me this category (if filled) is filled with relationship issues. How long do you give a relationship a go? What is "not attached?" Is it okay to date without planning for marriage? Is it okay to date multiple people simultaneously? Is being honest with people enough? Does honesty absolve you of consequences? Are open relationships okay if both parties agree? Do you stay in a relationship you feel might be doomed? Did you enter or remain in a relationship for the right reasons? Are you a shit for walking away when you realize there's no hope, knowing you're hurting someone else in the process?
My opinions have evolved. I'm big on honesty, not being deceived, and minimizing pain both for myself and others. At the end of the day, I'm not really a playa. Honesty has made things easier for me. But at the end of the day, it's tough to tell someone, "You know what? This isn't working!" You can go the polite route, the passive-aggressive route (which often seems like the wussy way out), the obnoxious route. If you only have your own self-interest in mind, you do things differently. If you only have someone else's interest in mind, you do things too slowly. Weighing those two out though--it's no fun.
My past year, however, was a lot of fun.
